


Oedipal Checks

by derryderrydown



Category: Captain America (2011), Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-30
Updated: 2011-07-30
Packaged: 2017-10-21 23:20:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/230968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/derryderrydown/pseuds/derryderrydown
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm on the GOOD painkillers!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Oedipal Checks

"Stop flirting with Rogers," Fury said.

Tony looked up from working on the armour. "No. He's just starting to loosen up. I think I might actually get somewhere with him. Although probably only first base and even then, not until the third date. He might hold my hand at the drive-in, though!"

"That," Fury said, with elaborate patience, "is why I'm telling you to stop."

"What, am I not good enough for your golden boy?" Tony put his screwdriver down. "How about if I marry him? I'll probably have to if I'm ever going to get in his ass. And I really want to, because it's an amazingly hot ass."

Fury rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I don't want to have this conversation."

"The conversation about how hot Rogers' ass is?" Tony leaned back in his chair and grinned. "Because I'm happy to have that conversation. There's very little I'd rather talk about than Rogers' ass."

"Okay," Fury said, "I promised Howard I'd never tell you this but it's kind of necessary right now."

"The birds and the bees? Well, the bees and the bees." Tony patted Fury's forearm. "It's okay. I already know all that."

Fury carefully removed Tony's hand. "Howard spent a lot of time around radioactive material. Before we really knew what kind of effect it had on the body."

Tony frowned. "There's no cancer in his medical history."

"No. But the radiation made sure that his, er, 'little bees' weren't very lively."

"The little bees in...?" Tony pointed towards the groin plate he was working on.

Fury nodded.

"Oh," Tony said, before adding thoughtfully, "I think that's more than I ever wanted to know about my father."

"Anyway, he and your mother wanted a kid bad enough that they figured they'd use a sperm donor. But, you know Howard. He had to make it an experiment, try to improve on the 'standard' baby, even though biologicals really weren't his field."

"Radioactive sperm?" Tony asked hopefully. "Because I think I'd actually prefer being bitten by a radioactive spider."

"No." Fury took a deep breath, then looked Tony straight in the eye. "Super soldier sperm."

Tony swallowed. "He did something with the serum, right? Injected his sperm with serum? Please, tell me that's what he did. And I never thought I'd _want_ to hear about my father playing with his sperm."

Fury slowly shook his head. "There were lots of samples from Captain America. Blood, tissue, and, well..."

"Oh, _fuck,_ " Tony said, and flopped forward until his forehead was resting on the worktable. "Just call me Oedipus."


End file.
